glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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