I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
