I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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