dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
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woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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