Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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