Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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