I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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