Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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