i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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