Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize