I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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