Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
