Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
