she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am naked and annoyed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
