and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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