he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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