Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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