I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
