In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
