Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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