got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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