I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
