I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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