The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
