i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
