if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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