i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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