I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
