There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
