So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize