TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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