I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
