rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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