are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
