I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize