Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
