It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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