I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
