Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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