I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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