it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize