alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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