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it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
