the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
