he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
handjob tips. give me some.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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