I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
