Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
