Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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