Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
