You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
