he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
