We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
