I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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