It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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