There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
