Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
