we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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