try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
