I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
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We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
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I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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