where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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