Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize