I will die if light touches me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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