Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
